I had a brief romantic courtship with someone I thought to be “the One I would very much like to settle with” (“Pearl”), 1 year after moving on from “the One I let go” (“Cadence”). It was barely a year of correspondence and dates, and yet it was such an intense roller coaster ride that I can’t shake off the feeling of her despite our lack of labels and commitments.

Our personalities and lifestyles were greatly different; and we kicked each other’s attachment style into overdrive frequently, triggering episodes of stonewalling and persistent pursuit.

Alas, it was simply too much, I acted very harshly and disrespected her boundaries. Boundaries that I was unable to see as I was firmly and emotionally attached to this idea of her. My id overwhelmed my ego and I overstepped lines and pushed her furthest away ever. In hindsight, I was highly invested in this relationship and deeply rooted in this attachment, many times over the level she had presumably thought of me.

It took time to move on and feel better from Cadence, so I know, I can do the same for Pearl. One of the things I did, was to distract myself with television shows and movies.

Here is a list, which I will update over time.

• Marriage Story
• Her
• Uncoupled
• After Life
• (500) Days of Summer
• A Man Called Otto

I’ll get back to watching, lest I get tempted to write my feelings directly to Pearl again.